Impacts of an Educated Mother on her children’s character building

The history of advancement of the human race is the history of knowledge and education. Hence it is compulsory for every individual, man or woman, to be educated. Women should be educated like men, in other ways there can be no real development and half of the population will remain illiterate.

Napoleon was once asked what the highest need of France was. He answered, “Motherland’s National progress is impossible without trained and educated mothers”. If the women in any country are not educated, about half the people in that country will be ignorant. The result is that such a country will not be able to go along with other nations in advancement and progress. Education teaches a woman what she should be.

Educated women will be a good friend, a clever nurse and useful adviser to her husband. She will be a true helpmate. She can sustain her husband’s affection, esteem and attentiveness. An uneducated woman is always ineffective to share in his interests.

There is a saying in English, “the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world”. The meaning in this is that the mother exercises a very great influence over the lines of her children and is capable to shape their thoughts and characters. If she is educated, she will make such an impression on the mind of her child that will enable him in later life to grow into a good and great man. Thus education will enable females to make their parents, husbands and children truly happy. Consequently it is mandatory that females should be educated.

Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) said: "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects and the man is a guardian of his family, the lady is a guardian of her husband's house and his off-spring and all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects."

After having children, the major responsibility of parents is to prepare them for an excellent character and successful future of the children. Every parent hopes and wants that their children be virtuous with excellent character but this can only be achieved if the proper method towards this objective is adopted and the proper environment created from the very beginning. It is essential to note that the spiritual training is far more significant than the physical upbringing.

Even though the environment prior to the child's birth is very important, so too is the environment into which the child is born, as the actual training starts in the mother's lap which is the first MADRASAH for the child.

Mother has a vital role in family. She shows very big self sacrifices for their family. The main role of mother in family is ''to educate their children''. Mothers should be educated. We grow with them because they are the people who we see the most. We can say that they are our first teachers. Their behaviors are most valuable because our character is shaping by them. So mothers should be educated in order to know how that she can behave to her child. Women play various roles in society, so there are many advantages of education for women. First, an educated woman is conversant with her duties as a citizen of a state. An educated woman aware of the part she has to play in the growth of her nation. She comprehends her responsibilities towards herself, her family and her country. If women are uneducated, they cannot become good citizens. Furthermore, they pass on their education to their children. It has been rightly said:

“If you educate a man, you educate an individual: but if you educate a woman you educate a family.”

A mother yields a great impact on her child. The training of a child, the inculcation of good ideas and habits are done more by the mothers as compared to fathers or the teachers. An educated mother can serve her country in the sense that she produces good citizens with tolerant views and vast outlooks. Uneducated mothers are superstitious. They do not have elementary medical knowledge. The alarming figure of infant mortality is mostly due to the ignorance of mothers. Educated mothers will give the nation healthy, enlightened and decently brought-up children. An uneducated woman cannot be a good wife. She will not be able to understand her husband. There will be no mutual adjustment, which is very essential for a good Matrimonial life on the other hand; an educated wife is refined, matured and resourceful. She can support the family by getting into some employment. She can take care of her husband and children in illness. She can easily run the administrative issues of the home properly.

The mother in particular is responsible for the proper training of the child. It is stated in the Hadith about the mother: "and she is a shepherdess over the house of her husband and of his children, and she is accountable." A good educated mother has outstanding qualities. No one can replace her in the life of her children

Basic Islamic education and good morals could only be taught and practiced at home. Therefore the first MADRASAH for the child is the mother's lap. The mother contributes the greater share and plays the best role in the early training and education of her children.

When a baby is born, he is totally unaware of the outside world. The educated mother plays an important part in introducing him to the world. She has to focus a lot of attention on her baby. She has to be aware of the physical, cognitive and social development of her child as well as its adolescent development. She has to create a proper environment for her child that will have space for movement, play and creativity. A mother should know when her child can be trained to use the toilet, be able to eat meals, play alone etc. As a child grows and begins to crawl and walk around in a faltering manner he or she starts to pull down anything that is within his or her reach and as a mother a woman has to cope patiently with this phase of a child's development.

The outlook that the child will form towards life depends a lot on the mother. His attitude, his views - religious or otherwise- his perspective on life and its goals, will all be gained from her. Eventually he will mature and perhaps form his own changed views, but the initial years and what he learns in them will always have a lasting impression on his mind.

Since the mother is the most important person in the life of a child, she is greatly revered. Her habits and behavior becomes a model for the child. Whatever the child observes from her, such as her housekeeping habits, her manners, her relationships with others, the way she spends money, and in general her lifestyle, will all undoubtedly affect the child’s character. A mother is said to be much better than a hundred teachers. Her emotional strengths and weaknesses are an example for the child, and will be followed for many years to come even though all of it may not be worthy.

Every educated mother looks into better techniques and strategies of parenting. She consult a wide variety of material available, both Islamic and secular. Although Islamic material may not be abundant in English, many secular books and magazines are published about parenting. Reading these from time to time helps increase awareness and vision. When a mother reads about problems that parents face, she is comforted by the fact that she is not alone. That is very reassuring as often parents assume they are the only ones having difficulties. Also, reading about solutions used by other people, or advice given by psychologists etc. helps broaden the choice of possible tactics in dealing with children. An educated mother knows what she expects from her children, and then explain that to them. It is not enough to want good children. The children must know what exactly is expected from them, and what the mother wants them to do.

Each child comes with his own distinctive potential. The Holy Prophet (S) has said: “Human beings are like mines of gold and silver”. Children have abilities that could lead to great achievements. Some show skill and interest in a certain area, while others prefer a different one.

Apart from not trying to compare children with one another, educated mother tries to bring out the best in each child. She makes the child develop his skills in whatever area he is good at, as well as remedy the weakness in each child. A mother’s gentle guide line can remedy many a flaw and weakness in the character of the child.

By imparting Islamic knowledge to the children, parents' positions will be exalted in the eyes of Allah, and their status will be raised in society, Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) said: "The best gift which parents can give to his children is that of their good education and manners."

Although the father plays a significant role in educating the child, the mother plays a more important and greater role in this process. Rather it can rightly be said that the mother contributes the greater share and perform the best role in the early training and education of her children. Moreover the mother is more loving, kind and patient as compared to father, she is nearer to the children and they are more frank and attached to her. This makes the mother more capable of educating and training her children in the most proper way.

Every child is born pure. It is the environment created by his parents that determines his future. It is essential to comprehend that before you expect your child to learn the ways of Islam, the parents have to be practicing Muslims themselves. Parents should set a good example in front of their children. Therefore for the parents to be practicing Muslims is of utmost importance for the Islamic teachings and character building of their children. Regarding parents, this poem is best suited:

"The parent is like a mirror, the reflection it gives, the child adopts. If the reflection is good, the child is good. If the reflection is bad, the child is bad."

The entire future of the child depends entirely on the parent's teachings, training and environment in which the parent's bring up their child. The home environment and the parent's training of the child either make or mar the child's future. If the home environment is Islamic, then the child will be religiously inclined, but if the home environment is un-Islamic, then the child will develop irreligious traits and habits in him.

If children are kept away from religious education, then what we are observing today is definitely going to happen. Parents and elders, who do not discharge the children's rights and miss the opportunity of acquitting themselves of their responsibility, will not find the children fulfilling their parent's rights when they grow up. Such children’s rather than being useful will prove to be harmful to the community.

The following is the story (anecdote) refers to those parents who fail to impart Islamic education and training to their children. Read them carefully and take lesson from them!

Abul Laith Samarqandi (R.A) has related that a man brought his son to Hazrat Umar (R.A) and said: "My son does not obey me, he is disobedient to me." Hearing this Hazrat Umar (R.A) said: "O boy, don't you know what rights a father has on his son?" Thereafter he narrated the rights of a father on his children. The boy said: "O Commander of the faithful! Do the children too have any rights on their father?" Hazrat Umar (R.A) said: "Yes! The children too have rights on their father." "What are those rights?" asked the boy. Hazrat Umar (Radiyallahu A) replied: "First of all, he should search for a good mother for his son. He should marry with a virtuous, religious woman, and must not marry any woman of questionable nature and doubtful character. The second right is that when he begets a child, he should name it with a good name, and the third right of the child is that he should impart religious knowledge to him and teach the Quraan." The boy said: "O Commander of the faithful! My father has not discharged any of these rights. Firstly, the woman who is my mother is a Negress, a slave woman that he has bought for 400 Dirham. She is a neophyte Muslim slave woman who is quite ignorant of religious education, Islamic civil manners and morals. It is in her laps that I have passed my infancy. She has not given me any religious education. What should I do? Secondly, they have not named me with a good name. They have named me Jo'al meaning black, ugly man. I should have been given a good name which was my right, but my father did not discharge his responsibility towards me. The third is the right of religious education, which they did not give me at all. Now whatever decision you give, I will accept it."

Just ponder over it. A great man like Hazrat Umar (R.A) at the very mention of whose name people shudder even today said: "O boy's father, first of all, you have been neglectful regarding the boy's rights which you did not discharge and now you tell me that your son does not obey you. GET OUT! It is you who have disobeyed first."

Ponder over Hazrat Umar's (R.A) decision. Just as we have given up discharging the responsibility regarding our children, what is our condition? Then we consider our children to be disobedient and unworthy. Parents should remember that they became disobedient first. Children are a trust, and this responsibility came upon the parents and they did not discharge it, but instead they engaged their children in worldly things. Hating knowledge and the assemblies of Ulama, parents have attached their children's hearts to the bazaar and the motor stand. How then can you expect to reform the children? So if parents remind their children during their childhood itself about religious responsibility and make an effort to attach them to religion, then Insha-Allah, by such training, the children will become virtuous and pious. So if you want to live an honorable life in this world, engage your children in religious education.

Hazrat Ali (R.A) interprets this to mean that you must save your family by giving them best education and best manners. So that to make children's lives successful according to standards set by Islam, parents should devotedly train and educate them. Parents should perform their duty with wisdom, affection, patience, perseverance and steadfastness. By following this, their position will be exalted in the eyes of Allah, and their status will be raised in society. With the implementation of Islamic education to the children, on growing up they will follow religion and would become the spreading source of Islamic education for others.